Lost Hero
by Natta
Summary: Cousland/Alistair. It's not much use being a hero when all you get for it is rejection. Will Alistair realise his mistake before it's too late?
1. Chapter 1

She sank back down in a chair and took a deep breath. So it was over. The archdemon was slain, Alistair crowned king. They deserved a break now, for sure. When she had run up to strike the final blow...her body shuddered as she remembered the look of utter terror he had thrown her. None of them had known whether Morrigan's ritual would really work, or if she would drop dead after taking the blow. But now...now they could finally be together. Surely they had deserved this?

He had been in the study with Arl Eamon for over an hour now, no doubt discussing the proper way for a king to behave in public. She smirked as she thought of her handsome templar and his manner, most unbecoming for a king. Having been brought up a noble, Elissa Cousland knew a thing or two about how to act in a proper fashion, but she found his uncertainty most endearing. Still, she was sure that Eamon would not see things the same way.

_"Well, if he hadn't insisted Alistair sleep in the barn as a child, he may not have this problem now,"_ she thought wryly to herself. Leaning her head back, she closed her eyes, allowing herself to relax. It didn't matter now. It was all going to be fine. They were going to be fine.

"Elissa." Her eyes snapped open and a smile spread on her face as the object of her thoughts stood before her. He looked...sad somehow, but perhaps that was only tiredness after his discussion with Eamon. Despite his seemingly unending stamina in battle, her love confused quickly after those kinds of things. It was good he would have others around him while he got accustomed to his new role.

"Is everything all right?"

"Yes, I, well..." He looked increasingly uncomfortable and she felt something gnawing at her stomach. Knowing Alistair, it would take him forever to spit it out if something was wrong. "I spoke to Eamon about...things."

"Yes? What things?" she asked him, trying to hurry this up.

"He suggested that the best role for you would be as my chancellor," Alistair said, pain spreading across his face. She frowned.

"Your chancellor?" Her voice began to fade into a whisper as she continued; "but I thought..."

"Now that I'm king, I have certain...responsibilities." She had a fleeting feeling that he was reciting a speech, not speaking of his own accord. "Elissa, I will need an heir."

"I don't...understand."

"Grey wardens having children, Elissa, it is...almost unheard of. Two grey wardens, together? Impossible." Her hands began to tremble and she felt lightheaded. She couldn't believe she was hearing this.

"So you're saying..."

"I love you, and I want you close to me. Being chancellor...well, it's the only way I can see that happening. I wish...things were different, but they're not. I can't marry you." For a moment, her mind went back to that fateful moment at the Landsmeet, when she was asked to choose who would reign. Had she chosen Anora then, they would be together now, and briefly she almost wished she had before pushing those thoughts aside.

"I see." She forced the words out, attempting to keep her voice from breaking. Had he given up on her this easily, without a fight? She remembered how meek he had been when seeing his sister, and wondered if that's how he acted with Eamon too. She had wanted to tell him then to start looking out for himself, but had repressed the urge and settled for comforting him. She almost wished she'd lectured him then. Perhaps he would have...but no, that didn't matter now. If he didn't even fight for her, then...well, she didn't quite want to finish that thought.

"I need you, Elissa," he said sincerely. "I wish it hadn't had to come to this." She didn't bother replying, instead pushing past him, leaving the room. She knew if she stayed for one more moment, tears would come gushing and she couldn't bear the humiliation. If he didn't want her, she wouldn't want him either. Of course, that was easier said than done.

Once in her room, she donned the superior drakescale armour Wade had crafted after determining the first wasn't good enough. There was no way she was staying here. It felt as if the walls of the royal palace were closing in around her and she couldn't breathe. She had to clear her thoughts. The tears kept running down her face as she packed her few belongings into a pack, preparing herself to leave. Her faithful sword and dagger on her back, she turned to leave, only to stumble into a shocked Leliana in the doorway.

"By the Maker," the bard exclaimed. "What are you doing?" Elissa stumbled backwards, resenting this delay in her plans. She couldn't bear to have Alistair find her before she could sneak out of the palace, try to convince her to stay on as his_chancellor_ of all things.

"Lelli, please," she said, trying to keep the sobs out of her voice. "I need to go."

"But..." her friend looked confused and distressed. "Aren't you to marry?" She steeled herself and shook her head determinedly.

"No. Alistair doesn't want to marry me." Leliana did not even attempt to hide her shock.

"But...he loves you."

"Well, it seems we were both wrong," Elissa replied.

"Where will you go?" the Orlesian asked silently, her voice low and sad.

"I don't know."

"Let me go with you." Elissa shook her head.

"No, Lelli, I...I need to do this alone. Please. I want you to stay here." Her friend nodded in defeat as she watched the Hero of Ferelden walking out of the doors, wondering what in the world had just happened, and why.**  
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	2. Chapter 2

**_Thanks to everyone who reviewed/favourited/alerted this story! It's my first DA fanfic so it's exciting to know people like it._**

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"Where is he?" Zevran stormed into the room only moments after Elissa had left. "Where is he, I'll kill him!"

"Zev..." Leliana wasn't sure what to do. On one hand, she was rather fond of their new king, but on the other hand, she had never thought he could do this to her best friend. Part of her wanted to point the assassin in the right direction, but the other reasonable part took over quickly. "Zev, I'm sure there's a reasonable explanation for this. He...wouldn't have done it of his own accord."

"I think it was his lips talking, my lovely lady," Zevran replied sarcastically.

"I know that, but...you were there when he met his sister, right? He's so...easily swayed."

"Then sway him to go after her," the elf insisted. "Not that he deserves her, but...she does deserve to be happy." This was quite an epiphany coming from the man who had pursued Elissa relentlessly until she made it pretty clear where her romantic interests lay. "She did everything for me, Leliana, saved my life and gave me a purpose. Well, that and treasure of course," he added as an afterthought.

"I...won't sway him," the bard replied determinedly. "I am not Eamon. He must realise himself where his actions will lead him." His eyes formed into slits as he looked at her, shaking his head slowly.

"Perhaps you are right. But I will go after her." Leliana's eyes widened.

"Are you quite sure that would be wise?" The elf nodded.

"Oh yes, my dear." His eyes twinkled jokingly at her. "Can you see me staying here with that dweeb of a templar? No, that'll be your job, Leliana." She sighed.

"Yes. Yes, I will stay here, for a time anyway. If Alistair is left solely to Eamon's influence, he may never realise what he's done. With Wynne going back to the circle soon, and the others already gone, I fear it'll be terribly lonely here."

"This is court," he cheered her up. "You'll be in your element. I'm sure Alistair will even let you have some new shoes if you ask nicely." The bard smiled.

"I am quite happy with the ones my warden got me," she sighed. "Zevran, promise me you won't take advantage." He leaned back in mock horror.

"Me? Never!"

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For some reason, taking a horse had never occurred to her, even though there were many to choose from and it might have made her journey easier. Still, she wasn't looking for easy. She didn't even know where to go. Instead, she walked aimlessly with Dog at her side, carrying some poultices and a bedroll in her pack. Food she would get on the road, and a tent wasn't really necessary. A much more urgent question was where she would go. She couldn't wander forever, and she didn't particularly care to. Even the mabari seemed confused at the lack of people accompanying them, as she never went anywhere without at least three of her companions.

"Oh, Dog," she sighed as she stopped, deciding wherever she now was would be a good place to camp. "What shall we do now?" He barked conversationally in reply and she rolled her eyes. He always had an answer for her even if it never told her much.

Of course going back to Highever had occurred to her, but she had quickly dismissed it. Her first plan had always been to stay with Alistair, whether at court or on the road, but failing that she was not inclined to settle down anywhere. Fighting darkspawn was where she felt most comfortable of course, but now that the blight was over, there wasn't much calling for those activities.

"I could go to Orzammar of course," she mused out loud. Fighting darkspawn with the Legion of the Dead didn't seem like such a bad alternative, and if she died doing it? Well, that was what wardens did. At least she would serve some kind of purpose that way, which was not about to happen while she sat moping around on a bedroll with her dog. Closing her eyes, she leaned back and mentally brought up a map of Ferelden with her approximate position. Much too near Denerim, and too far from the Frostback Mountains. The journey would give her time to think, but this was the last thing she wanted to do. Hopefully she would find something to kill on the way. Elissa closed her eyes and sighed. Orzammar was far away from Alistair and far from the starlit moments they had shared. She would be OK there.


End file.
